Happy birthday babe

There's going to be a lot of significant dates in our lives and we've just crossed another couple. Emily and I celebrated Lee's birthday yesterday with a wonderful brunch courtesy of our most excellent friends Bridget and Nigel. We followed that up by making birthday cupcakes in what will be a new annual tradition. Emily did a great job decorating them after we made them together. And she also picked her favourite for us to put a birthday candle in. Happy birthday babe.

And then there was today.......happy anniversary babe xxx

Relay for Life in memory of Lee

Well, Emily and I have just returned from a great trip back to Scotland to see our wonderful family and friends. We also managed to take in a side trip to Madrid and Granada to visit our cousins which was amazing. I will eventually get around to posting photos of the trip for those that haven't seen them on facebook. It was a very different trip to our usual ones but in taking some mementos Lee and I organised last year, I'm sure Lee was with us every step of the way.

Now that we're back, I'm taking part in the Relay for Life (17 hour walk/run) in memory of Lee. If you'd like to help our team fund raise for the Cancer Society, go to www.relayforlife.org.nz/index and click to "Support a team and Donate". Fill in your details selecting "Relay for Life Wellington 2011" as the event, then "Lee's Legion" as the team and click on my name. 

Thanks all x

Happy holidays

It feels like it's been a lot longer than just the three short months since Lee passed. Both Emily and I are doing really well, as is the rest of the family. We have a wonderful circle of family and friends around us who have given us so much support during these past few months and for that we're incredibly grateful.

Emily and I are having some fun in the snow at the moment and I'll try and keep uploading photos to flickr as often as I can which will link through the blog. Or for those that know me, look me up in facebook.

From above the clouds and down on the ground, clan Henderson wish you all a very merry Christmas. Take time to enjoy your family and friends - everything else can wait!!

x

Live and loud in cyberspace

With a mixture of sadness and relief that she's no longer in any discomfort, Lee passed away peacefully, holding my hand and surrounded by her brother and mum, on Monday morning at the Mary Potter Hospice after an inspirational fight against the big ugly disease that is cancer. 

We will be celebrating her life this Sunday, 10am at the Lychgate Funeral Home in Johnsonville. All are welcome - just don't forget about daylight savings!!

For those that aren't local, we will be beaming the service over the inter web through http://www.r2.co.nz/20100926/ which will also have a recording available after the event

With love,

El & Emily.

Happy Daffodil Day

Today (Friday 27 August 2010) is Daffodil Day. So this morning I shall send my husband down into little old Johnsonville to give money to a collector, and to get me a beautiful bunch of daffodils to take to Hamilton this afternoon.   Elliott and I are flying up with Emily, my Mum and step Dad to spend the weekend with my brother and his family which I'm really looking forward to.  It seems oddly appropriate that my Daffodil Day is going to be spent returning home and being with all of my family, and my dearest and closest friends who will be around for the afternoon (that's you Polly and Lisa!! x).  It wasn't planned this way - well, not by me anyway.  Maybe there were other forces at work here - and if that's the case then I'm grateful to them for it.  Spending this day - which I confess is a little emotional for me - with everyone who I love more than life itself will be very special to me.  But what will be even more special is when the time comes that Daffodil Day is no longer needed. That this disease is no longer a thief that steals our loved ones away from us without justice or permission.  And that a beautiful yellow daffodil becomes a symbol of the fight against Cancer that we won.  They also make pretty cupcake decorations......

Please RSVP in the affirmative.......

Forgive me for the absence of an update over these past 6 weeks (wow - where has that time gone??!!).  It hasn't been due to having nothing to say - but rather the exact opposite in that I have so much to say, and have been desperately searching for the right words to say it all.  This blog is by no means the answer to that search - and unfortunately doesn't contain the words of wisdom that will alleviate the constant ticking of my brain nor will it relieve my insomnia.  But here goes anyway.  


Yesterday morning (Sunday) at approximately 2.30am I was in some pain, which to be brutally honest with you, is becoming more frequent.  I took some drugs (again, becoming more frequent - but I'm okay with that part!) and sat at the breakfast bar having a cup of tea, pondering my existence as one does while morphine works its way through your system.  For those of you who know me, which I'm assuming given that you're reading this means you do, you'll know that I don't do pity.  I don't pity myself, and I sure as hell don't do pity from others.  So I found myself in the odd situation of not necessarily feeling what I would describe as pity for me - but rather envy for the simple, carefree, existence of someone else - even for just a day.  A day of no discomfort or pain, no drugs, no conversations about hospices or funerals, and where a good nights sleep meant more than 2 hours in one go.  A day where I could take a break from the increasingly rough road that my journey is becoming.  A day where I could walk in someone else's shoes - and forget the swelling in my ankles that is so bad that I can't fit my own.   


The daylight hours of Sunday brought with it the company and contact of some of my nearest and dearest friends,and was the perfect way to spend a day.  Over the course of this day, I was witness to the journeys of these friends - and the shoes that they walk in.  And it suddenly, and rather sharply, put into perspective my earlier assumption that everyone has it easier than me - and I was humbled.  The journeys of my friends are no less fraught that mine, and their shoes no more comfortable or easy to walk in.  I ended my day filled with love and admiration for the strength and dignity that these woman display as walk their paths facing challenges such as marriage difficulties, the search for someone to share life with, pregnancy issues, and being a mother about to lose her only daughter.  


I also ended my day with an invitation that I would like to extend to you. Rather than assume that spending time in someone else's shoes would offer a respite to my journey, I invite you to come over to my house, kick off your shoes and join me on the couch with a cup of tea and a cupcake and watch the world go by, even for an hour, .......shoeless - and we take a break from our journeys together.  I'll make the tea - you bring the cupcakes.  

First and Last

As any good parent does - I remember the day Emily was born vividly (and a little painfully to be honest!). It was a beautiful sunny morning, and she finally made an appearance at 10.24am on Friday 09 July 2004.  That was six years ago today.  In those six years I have witnessed her first bath, her first smile, her first word (Mummy), her first tooth, her first step, and her first Xmas.  I remember the first time she went on a plane, her first pair of jeans, her first childcare teacher (Kerry - we love you), her first sleepover, and her first day at school.


I also remember her first birthday like it was yesterday.  But it wasn't yesterday, because today my baby turned six, and it was the last birthday of hers I will celebrate.  It was the last time I will buy her pretty shoes that sparkle like diamonds in the sun.  It was the last time I will make her a birthday cake and blow candles out with her.  It was the last time I will sing her 'Happy Birthday' and watch her beautiful face glow with delight at the gorgeous presents she gets spoiled with.  It was the last time I will get to fuss over party invitations, and design and make home-made 'thank you' cards.   


These past six years have gone fast, and have been filled with so many 'firsts' that it seems wrong to be contemplating a 'last'.  The 'firsts' were too recent, and this 'last' is too soon.  There are still so many firsts that I have yet to experience. Her first crush, her first day at high school, her first driving lesson and her first concert.   Her first job, her first love, her first house, and her first born child.


But I know that despite my immeasurable heartache on this day, she will have something in this world so unique that it will never be able to be defined by 'first' or 'last' - because it is the 'only'.  It is the love that I have for my daughter as her mother.  And like all good things - it was built to last.