A letter to God

22 Phillip Street
Johnsonville
WELLINGTON


16 June 2010


Dear God


I am writing to confirm that I would like to accept the position of your Executive Assistant starting within the next couple of months.  Before I commence this role, I'd like to take this opportunity to put a few things on the table for us to discuss, and for you to understand (and get sorted) prior to my imminent arrival.


Firstly, while I'm stoked to be offered this role so early in my mortal career, I have to say that it's a tad earlier than planned - and I hope that my professional development gives me the necessary skills to take over from the angel you currently have in the position.  I'll be honest - I'm a little nervous.  The office that I have down here is pretty cool, and while I know that the environment you'll be offering must be up there with the best, I really have made myself a nice little niche down here.  Don't get me wrong - I know that it's a big deal to be making my way up the 'Corporate Ladder' to you so soon, and I'm sure you're itching to get me settled in and started......I just really wanted you to know that I've had such a great time here it really is going to be a bit hard to leave.


When I arrive with you I'll be interested in getting involved in Workplace Safety and Wellbeing (my current focus and passion) and flexible working hours are also a big thing here on Earth - so we can make sure you have Best Practice when I arrive.  Leave it with me - I'll get it sorted.  I would also like to take an active role in any Social Committees that you have.  You may know that I'm super organised, and love getting things whipped into shape - so consider me your 'go-to-girl' for these things.  I'm picking you already know this about me, hence the call-up to come and be your 'gate keeper' (pun intended - get it??!!!!!). 


You'll also have to get used to my unique sense of humour.  I sing off key, but really don't care (the theme to 'The Love Boat' being a favourite).  Do you have 'Sing Star'?  I'm also a demon on the Wii (tennis) so get your tennis whites out.  It's all on like Donkey Kong!  I'll let you win the first couple....but then I won't be taking any prisoners.  I like my tea strong, and prefer cheese scones (heated with butter please) to fruit ones.  Shoes and handbags are my guilty pleasures - so I hope the salary package you're offering can accommodate my tastes for all things fine and Italian.  Long lunch hours are a must, and access to FaceBook would be nice if you can swing it?  Do you have a profile page?  Again, we can discuss - although I can appreciate the photo might be a bit tricky.


I'm picking there may a delay in filling my position here on Earth, and trust that your ultimate plan has this covered suitably.  We can discuss this in more length over a glass of bubbles one day, because this really is a very big deal to me.  Indulge me with the bigger picture please.  I'll shout the bubbles.


One final thing.  Upon arriving with you, I really would like to spend some time with my Dad, my daughter Samantha, and my Nana.  It's been a while since I've seen my Dad and my Nana, and as you know I never really got to meet my little girl - so I'm hoping you're okay if I hang out with them for a while before I come and assume my new role with you. 


So that's it really.  I'm picking the time frame can't be negotiated?  A wee bit more time would be nice.....but I trust you.  Please remember this come Annual Performance Review time.


Take care, and talk soon
Lee :)