Happy holidays

It feels like it's been a lot longer than just the three short months since Lee passed. Both Emily and I are doing really well, as is the rest of the family. We have a wonderful circle of family and friends around us who have given us so much support during these past few months and for that we're incredibly grateful.

Emily and I are having some fun in the snow at the moment and I'll try and keep uploading photos to flickr as often as I can which will link through the blog. Or for those that know me, look me up in facebook.

From above the clouds and down on the ground, clan Henderson wish you all a very merry Christmas. Take time to enjoy your family and friends - everything else can wait!!

x

Live and loud in cyberspace

With a mixture of sadness and relief that she's no longer in any discomfort, Lee passed away peacefully, holding my hand and surrounded by her brother and mum, on Monday morning at the Mary Potter Hospice after an inspirational fight against the big ugly disease that is cancer. 

We will be celebrating her life this Sunday, 10am at the Lychgate Funeral Home in Johnsonville. All are welcome - just don't forget about daylight savings!!

For those that aren't local, we will be beaming the service over the inter web through http://www.r2.co.nz/20100926/ which will also have a recording available after the event

With love,

El & Emily.

Happy Daffodil Day

Today (Friday 27 August 2010) is Daffodil Day. So this morning I shall send my husband down into little old Johnsonville to give money to a collector, and to get me a beautiful bunch of daffodils to take to Hamilton this afternoon.   Elliott and I are flying up with Emily, my Mum and step Dad to spend the weekend with my brother and his family which I'm really looking forward to.  It seems oddly appropriate that my Daffodil Day is going to be spent returning home and being with all of my family, and my dearest and closest friends who will be around for the afternoon (that's you Polly and Lisa!! x).  It wasn't planned this way - well, not by me anyway.  Maybe there were other forces at work here - and if that's the case then I'm grateful to them for it.  Spending this day - which I confess is a little emotional for me - with everyone who I love more than life itself will be very special to me.  But what will be even more special is when the time comes that Daffodil Day is no longer needed. That this disease is no longer a thief that steals our loved ones away from us without justice or permission.  And that a beautiful yellow daffodil becomes a symbol of the fight against Cancer that we won.  They also make pretty cupcake decorations......

Please RSVP in the affirmative.......

Forgive me for the absence of an update over these past 6 weeks (wow - where has that time gone??!!).  It hasn't been due to having nothing to say - but rather the exact opposite in that I have so much to say, and have been desperately searching for the right words to say it all.  This blog is by no means the answer to that search - and unfortunately doesn't contain the words of wisdom that will alleviate the constant ticking of my brain nor will it relieve my insomnia.  But here goes anyway.  


Yesterday morning (Sunday) at approximately 2.30am I was in some pain, which to be brutally honest with you, is becoming more frequent.  I took some drugs (again, becoming more frequent - but I'm okay with that part!) and sat at the breakfast bar having a cup of tea, pondering my existence as one does while morphine works its way through your system.  For those of you who know me, which I'm assuming given that you're reading this means you do, you'll know that I don't do pity.  I don't pity myself, and I sure as hell don't do pity from others.  So I found myself in the odd situation of not necessarily feeling what I would describe as pity for me - but rather envy for the simple, carefree, existence of someone else - even for just a day.  A day of no discomfort or pain, no drugs, no conversations about hospices or funerals, and where a good nights sleep meant more than 2 hours in one go.  A day where I could take a break from the increasingly rough road that my journey is becoming.  A day where I could walk in someone else's shoes - and forget the swelling in my ankles that is so bad that I can't fit my own.   


The daylight hours of Sunday brought with it the company and contact of some of my nearest and dearest friends,and was the perfect way to spend a day.  Over the course of this day, I was witness to the journeys of these friends - and the shoes that they walk in.  And it suddenly, and rather sharply, put into perspective my earlier assumption that everyone has it easier than me - and I was humbled.  The journeys of my friends are no less fraught that mine, and their shoes no more comfortable or easy to walk in.  I ended my day filled with love and admiration for the strength and dignity that these woman display as walk their paths facing challenges such as marriage difficulties, the search for someone to share life with, pregnancy issues, and being a mother about to lose her only daughter.  


I also ended my day with an invitation that I would like to extend to you. Rather than assume that spending time in someone else's shoes would offer a respite to my journey, I invite you to come over to my house, kick off your shoes and join me on the couch with a cup of tea and a cupcake and watch the world go by, even for an hour, .......shoeless - and we take a break from our journeys together.  I'll make the tea - you bring the cupcakes.  

First and Last

As any good parent does - I remember the day Emily was born vividly (and a little painfully to be honest!). It was a beautiful sunny morning, and she finally made an appearance at 10.24am on Friday 09 July 2004.  That was six years ago today.  In those six years I have witnessed her first bath, her first smile, her first word (Mummy), her first tooth, her first step, and her first Xmas.  I remember the first time she went on a plane, her first pair of jeans, her first childcare teacher (Kerry - we love you), her first sleepover, and her first day at school.


I also remember her first birthday like it was yesterday.  But it wasn't yesterday, because today my baby turned six, and it was the last birthday of hers I will celebrate.  It was the last time I will buy her pretty shoes that sparkle like diamonds in the sun.  It was the last time I will make her a birthday cake and blow candles out with her.  It was the last time I will sing her 'Happy Birthday' and watch her beautiful face glow with delight at the gorgeous presents she gets spoiled with.  It was the last time I will get to fuss over party invitations, and design and make home-made 'thank you' cards.   


These past six years have gone fast, and have been filled with so many 'firsts' that it seems wrong to be contemplating a 'last'.  The 'firsts' were too recent, and this 'last' is too soon.  There are still so many firsts that I have yet to experience. Her first crush, her first day at high school, her first driving lesson and her first concert.   Her first job, her first love, her first house, and her first born child.


But I know that despite my immeasurable heartache on this day, she will have something in this world so unique that it will never be able to be defined by 'first' or 'last' - because it is the 'only'.  It is the love that I have for my daughter as her mother.  And like all good things - it was built to last.  

The Face of a Woman

This evening I saw the face of a woman that caught my interest.  Her features were by no means striking or breathtaking - she had a petite face with pretty features.  Her hair was perfect, and her make-up subtle.  What fascinated me about this woman was her eyes and her smile.


Her eyes sparkled with a beauty that could only come from having a life so rich and rewarding that it shone through them like diamonds.  They were alive and vibrant - and gave a hint of the fun she had living the experiences that had shaped her into the woman I was staring at.   Her eyes held a touch of mischief, a dash of adventure, and a glint of true contentment.  Her eyes weren't searching for anything or anyone.  It was as if they had already found what they were looking for.  


Her smile was wide and bright - and told the tale of a life filled with laughter and love.  It was a smile that shone from the attention of her friends, and from the love of her family.  Her smile radiated like she didn't carry a care in the world, as if in that moment her life was so blessed by the presence of friends so true and amazing that she couldn't stop the joy from bursting out of her heart through her smile.  It was the smile of a woman that knew she had everything she could ever dream of having - and she was eternally grateful for it.


So after looking at this woman for what must have been a couple of minutes, and studying her as closely as I could - I smiled at her, and with perfect symmetry she smiled back at me.  Mirrors are good like that.  

A letter to God

22 Phillip Street
Johnsonville
WELLINGTON


16 June 2010


Dear God


I am writing to confirm that I would like to accept the position of your Executive Assistant starting within the next couple of months.  Before I commence this role, I'd like to take this opportunity to put a few things on the table for us to discuss, and for you to understand (and get sorted) prior to my imminent arrival.


Firstly, while I'm stoked to be offered this role so early in my mortal career, I have to say that it's a tad earlier than planned - and I hope that my professional development gives me the necessary skills to take over from the angel you currently have in the position.  I'll be honest - I'm a little nervous.  The office that I have down here is pretty cool, and while I know that the environment you'll be offering must be up there with the best, I really have made myself a nice little niche down here.  Don't get me wrong - I know that it's a big deal to be making my way up the 'Corporate Ladder' to you so soon, and I'm sure you're itching to get me settled in and started......I just really wanted you to know that I've had such a great time here it really is going to be a bit hard to leave.


When I arrive with you I'll be interested in getting involved in Workplace Safety and Wellbeing (my current focus and passion) and flexible working hours are also a big thing here on Earth - so we can make sure you have Best Practice when I arrive.  Leave it with me - I'll get it sorted.  I would also like to take an active role in any Social Committees that you have.  You may know that I'm super organised, and love getting things whipped into shape - so consider me your 'go-to-girl' for these things.  I'm picking you already know this about me, hence the call-up to come and be your 'gate keeper' (pun intended - get it??!!!!!). 


You'll also have to get used to my unique sense of humour.  I sing off key, but really don't care (the theme to 'The Love Boat' being a favourite).  Do you have 'Sing Star'?  I'm also a demon on the Wii (tennis) so get your tennis whites out.  It's all on like Donkey Kong!  I'll let you win the first couple....but then I won't be taking any prisoners.  I like my tea strong, and prefer cheese scones (heated with butter please) to fruit ones.  Shoes and handbags are my guilty pleasures - so I hope the salary package you're offering can accommodate my tastes for all things fine and Italian.  Long lunch hours are a must, and access to FaceBook would be nice if you can swing it?  Do you have a profile page?  Again, we can discuss - although I can appreciate the photo might be a bit tricky.


I'm picking there may a delay in filling my position here on Earth, and trust that your ultimate plan has this covered suitably.  We can discuss this in more length over a glass of bubbles one day, because this really is a very big deal to me.  Indulge me with the bigger picture please.  I'll shout the bubbles.


One final thing.  Upon arriving with you, I really would like to spend some time with my Dad, my daughter Samantha, and my Nana.  It's been a while since I've seen my Dad and my Nana, and as you know I never really got to meet my little girl - so I'm hoping you're okay if I hang out with them for a while before I come and assume my new role with you. 


So that's it really.  I'm picking the time frame can't be negotiated?  A wee bit more time would be nice.....but I trust you.  Please remember this come Annual Performance Review time.


Take care, and talk soon
Lee :)

Tea for two......

It's 8.00am on a rainy Monday morning, and I'm sitting here with a cup of tea wondering how to put into words the past few weeks of my life.  Needless to say it's been quite a roller coaster of emotion, and to be honest I think it's a task that will take more that one posting, so instead I will give you an insight into one day.......so here goes.

It's now 8.31am, it's still raining, and I'm about to make my second cup of tea.  In 31 minutes I have written a little more than a couple of dozen words.  I have, however, checked internet banking, downloaded emails, worn a Disney princess crown whilst pretending to be a Queen for Emily, text my best friend about catching up this afternoon, and put on a load of washing.  I'm also contemplating making some breakfast for Elliott who has had a well deserved sleep in this morning.  Bacon and eggs sounds good.  And a cup of tea.

9.38am and I have no idea where the past hour has gone!  Mornings always seem to pass quickly for me - don't ask me why.  The past 68 minutes has been spent making breakfast for my gorgeous husband - Eggs Benedict.  Yum.  I also put on another load of washing, and sent a few emails. El and I also had a brief discussion about how to tell our 5 year old daughter that the Dr's don't have any medicine to make Mummy better.  Terminal cancer is a concept that Emily won't understand - but I think death is.  The anniversary of Samantha was a year ago this past Thursday (03rd June) so she's had some exposure to loss - but to have to sit down with my beautiful princess and tell her that Mummy isn't going to be around to watch her grow up is something that not only breaks my heart, but shatters it entirely.  Is it too early in the morning to have something stronger than tea??

12.56pm.  A cup of tea and a gossip with one of my best friends has taken up the past couple of hours, and it's been lovely.  We filled her in on the details of our wonderful holiday in Disneyland and San Diego, and delighted her with photos and trinkets.  She's been my best friend for the past 7 years.....she's more like a sister than a best friend.  We had plans to go on a cruise around the Mediterranean when we were old and had blue rinse hair.  We were going to pester the cabana boys and wear inappropriate gold sparkly shoes while taking tango lessons on the Lido deck.   We were going to drink expensive cocktails out of fancy glasses, and wear huge black sunglasses as if we were famous actresses eluding the paparazzi.  I hope she still goes on the cruise, and has the time of her life - because that's what it's all about.  She will have enough fun for the both of us, and live life to the fullest for me.

5.40pm and I'm a bit knackered.  I've spent the afternoon drinking tea with my BFF from work who had her beautiful baby boy (Jacob Sullivan - welcome little man x) last week.  What a treasure.  Such a teeny tiny bundle of love and sunshine.  I looked at the peacefully sleeping face of the son of my dear friend, and silently apologised for the things I am going to miss out on - things I would have been right there at the side of his mother for.  I would have bought him new shoes when he took his first steps, and read Dr Seuss to him in a silly voice.  I would have rocked him to sleep in my arms while babysitting him - despite strict instructions from his Mum to let him settle in his cot.  I would have taken a million photos of him, and sung him a million lullabies.  I would have watched him grow into a boy, and then into a man - and as his Mum's BFF I would have offered her my hand to hold while she guided him on this journey.  But instead of doing these things I will look over him a different way.  I will be a guardian angel to him, and a guiding light to her.

10.32pm.  It has rained for most of the day, and as I sit here drinking a cup of tea I can hear it gently tapping at the window and on the roof.  It's been a long day.  Emily had an early night, a side effect from the time difference between here and LA.  I lay with her while she fell asleep, and nestled my face in her hair in an effort to commit the smell of her strawberry locks to memory.  I lay there and prayed to any and every God who could hear me to be frozen in this moment in time, resting peacefully with my perfect princess.  I prayed that in years to come she will have some memory of me.  I prayed that she will forgive me for not being here for her when she needs me in the years to come.  I prayed that she will know in her heart how much I love and cherish her.  And I prayed that she grows up knowing and accepting that what my life lacked in length, it made up for in substance.

And after such a day, I think I need another cup of tea.

A postcard....

Throughout my adult life the road I have travelled along has, for the most part, been well mapped out and followed with a satisfying degree of success.  It has been smooth and wide, with beautiful scenery of stunning green fields filled with flowers of the most vibrant colours.  Over the years I have enjoyed not only plotting the course of this road, but travelling down it.  To date it has been an incredibly memorable journey of love and laughter.  Whilst walking along this road I met and married a gorgeous Scotsman, we travelled the world, and started a family.  This road had no potholes, no detours, and the ground was firm and true.  Recently, this road changed.  


The surface became rough and loose under foot, and what was once a safe passage very quickly became an unstable path. Where once I could see the perfectly straight and flat road before me stretch for miles ahead, I could now only see sharp corners and steep hills.  The fields of colour  became shadows that closed in on me, and lined my unstable path as far as it went.  So I did what any sensible traveller would do when the terrain changes.  I changed my footwear.  And I bought a postcard.


My path has proven to be a tricky one to negotiate, and for the majority of it I am proud to say that I managed it with strength and style.  I have paced myself when fatigued.  I have stopped and asked for directions when lost.  And I have brought with me a pot plant of beautiful flowers to remind me of the fields of gold from the road that lay behind me. And in my pocket are seeds waiting to be sown in the fields alongside the road that lies ahead of me at the end of this path.  And while my footing has been mostly strong and sure, a revelation came as a result of a stumble.


What I previously thought to be shadows of darkness along my path, I discovered to be the silhouette of people who had come to protect me from falling while on this perilous journey.  Their presence, so immediate and overwhelming, touched me more deeply than I can ever convey.  My family and friends, sacrificing anything to be within arms reach of me should I need their help.  My journey continues, and so to my husband, my mother and step father, my brother, my family in New Zealand and Scotland, my best friends and dearest work colleagues I send you a postcard.  But it doesn't say 'Wish You Were Here', because you already are.  And for that I thank you, and I love you.  Lee x

Woohoo

Happy days in the Henderson household - I discovered another dessert I like. Bridget, stop making me food I'm not supposed to like, unless it's dessert of course!!!!

In other news, Lee got the all clear this morning and in what must have been a hospital record had her discharge papers within an hour or so and left the hospital with her handsome chauffeur.

I wear my undies on the outside

Hi team - it's Lee here. Since being admitted into hospital on Wednesday for surgery I've spent a lot of my spare time lying in bed wondering about several things.

I wondered whether there are any real flesh and blood doctors that are even half as attractive as the ones on TV.  There aren't.

I wondered whether hospital food got progressively worse the longer you were subjected to it.  It does.

I wondered whether nurses have favourite patients who they give special treatment to.  They do.

I wondered whether I would be one of those favourite patients.  I was.

I wondered whether visits from my gorgeous husband, friends and Mum & Poppa would make me feel infinitely better.  They did.  

So as you can see I spent a fair bit of my time wondering about very important things, which I guess makes me Wonder Woman.  Which I guess means I should wear my undies on the outside.  

It's all good

Well folks, Friday was a pretty good day all round. Not only did Lee get to spend the entire day in my company, she was moved to her own spacious room with ensuite - think her room mate was sick of her positiveness (if that's not a real word, it should be).

She had a pretty good nights sleep last night, the iv lines were taken out of her arm and neck this afternoon, she managed a couple of short walks today and her appetite is coming back - although not necessarily for hospital food so I had to make a mercy dash to the nearest drive through.

We'd have been happy with all of that but Lee also had a visit from the surgeon who said all going well she can come home Sunday. The surgeon that was supposed to operate (but didn't in the end) also visited to put a face to the name - he's spent long enough debating the case with colleagues so had to meet the medical weirdo for himself. Their opinion seems more positive than we could have imagined but won't count our chickens until they're sliced and diced by the pathologist.

So there you have it - at this rate she'll be ironing my shirts and pampering to my every whim by this time next week. It's only been 13 years of wishing, it's got to happen some time doesn't it?

News from the space cadet

Hello readers, keeping this post brief.

Lee has had a pretty good day. Both chest drains have been removed and she's now managing without the morphine as well. She managed a brief walk tonight to stretch her legs and has moved into a room with only one other guest. Didn't sleep particularly well last night but not surprising when they wake you every hour to check blood pressure. They don't need to do that anymore so she's been getting some well needed sleep.

No pressure then!

I kind of feel like the presenter at a successful conference who has the last session before drinks. Huge amount to live up to based on the previous presenters and conscious that everyone is just waiting for what comes next.

I promise I'll get to the interesting stuff in a second but thought we'd start off with an observation / anecdote to pique your interest:

Q: What do you get if you cross a jigsaw power tool with chicken wire?
A: Lee's entertainment for the afternoon

Yes, that's right - we got a call yesterday morning to say there'd been a cancellation and could Lee come in that afternoon for pre-assessment. Then home for the night and back in at 7:30 this morning. All went well and she went under the jigsaw this afternoon. The chicken wire (true story) is used to fuse the bones back together and will be a permanent addition to her bullet proof exterior.

A few hours after going in to theatre, she was sounding like a happy drunk extolling her love for everyone around her. Lee is doing really well and will be spending the night in the recovery ward having avoided a trip to ICU which is great news.

My chat with the surgeon was also very positive - he's confident he removed the entire tumour which was reasonably well contained. Now we wait a week or so for definitive results on the tumour.

So, round one of cosmetic surgery is done and dusted. Can't believe she'd go to this much trouble to get out of doing housework for 6 months though. Seems rather extreme to me.

Sporting Achievements......

Whilst suffering from insomnia following my first round of chemo, a very dear colleague of mine who from here on in shall be referred to as 'TW' gave me some excellent advice. His trick to cure insomnia is to lie in bed and think of his sporting achievements, and he suggested that I should try the same technique as apparently this works every time.  Thankfully I never had to, as the next night my insomnia checked itself out of 'Hotel Henderson' and found new lodgings.  That was until last Thursday.  It would seem that receiving news of a confirmed surgery date was like having a neon flashing 'VACANCY' sign out for any insomnia either in the neighbourhood or simply passing through. Yes, my insomnia checked in to 'Hotel Henderson' again, but thankfully the room rate was too high for it to consider staying any longer than one night.  


So my first round of cosmetic surgery (thymus removal - remember, less is more) is scheduled for either next Thursday or Friday.  This will be confirmed on Tuesday, and I'll have a brief pre-surgical assessment the day prior to surgery but will be allowed to spend the evening at home before returning to hospital the next morning to under go the beautification process.  This will be followed by a brief stay of 3-5 days in hospital - then I'll be allowed to return home to recover in the comfort of my own bed.  At this point I must give some credit to my colleague 'TW' and his awesome advice.  Because last Thursday whilst lying in bed at 1.09am contemplating the silent evils of insomnia, I recalled his previous advice on how to cure it.  So I lay there and thought of his sporting achievements.....and was asleep within moments.     

My Breasts Are Too Big

This was the name of the television programme that was on last night as I sat at this very computer contemplating what to put in my latest blog update.  The programme was about women who had large breasts and weren't happy about it, so they underwent cosmetic surgery to get them reduced.  Needless to say I was never contacted to appear on the show.  However, it did make me rethink this whole 'cancer' thing.  And I have decided to rebrand.  I'm not having surgery to remove cancer from my body.  I'm having cosmetic surgery to remove my thymus (having one is soooooo 2009) and then additional cosmetic surgery to have half of my liver removed because it's too big.  Just like those lovely ladies last night with their big breasts.  


We met with the registrar oncologist yesterday who confirmed that the first of my cosmetic surgeries (thymus removal) will take place within the next couple of weeks.  A brief recovery period of a few weeks will follow (typical for that particular kind of cosmetic surgery) then my liver reduction surgery.  The recovery from my second round of cosmetic surgery will again take a couple of weeks.  Once this is all over (which will be soon - I promise!) I'm not sure I'll be getting a call from the BBC asking to appear in a documentary called 'My Liver is Too Big'.  And my breasts are just fine thanks.

Domestic Goddess-ness

Please accept my sincerest apologies for the recent radio silence.  It would seem that having a cold whilst undergoing chemotherapy isn't ideal - and probably not recommended.  It's been a tough week, but here I am on the other side - and ready to shout to the world that I am a Domestic Goddess.  Curious?  I knew you would be.  I hope you're sitting down for this, 'cause it's good.  Today - I hung washing out.  Yes, I hung washing out.  I am a Domestic Goddess.  I can appreciate that the significance of performing this menial task may be lost on you, but given that over the past 7 days I've hardly been able to eat, shower or walk down the stairs without needing to sleep for hours afterwards it was a pretty big deal for me.  And it made me feel like a Domestic Goddess.  Having not only the desire to do it (lethargy is a bummer!) but also the energy to do something as mundane as hang washing out was a pretty big deal for me.  So I did it.  And for approximately 11 minutes on this fine Wednesday morning, I was a Domestic Goddess.

They say the second time is easier

Well, as an observer I'd have to disagree with that statement. Whether it's a by product of the cold that was on its way out when this round started, or whether it's just a very different experience, it's certainly not been easier this time around.

Today is the first day Lee has managed to stay awake for longer than three hours at a time. I'd guess she's been sleeping a minimum of 18 hours a day. Vegetarian tendencies haven't been as strong but then again, she's not had an appetite at all. Next step would have been force feeding her but thankfully, she's felt up to dinner tonight.

All being well, the next post will be riddled with humorous tales.

A shell of my former self.....

Today was round 2 of chemo, and so far so good.  I won't bore you with the details, because it really is boring.  And I have confession to make.  One thing that has worried me from the outset of this attention-seeking exercise is that the chemo and surgery would knock me around so much that I would become a shell of my former self.  I consider myself to be a reasonably proactive person, so I took steps to ensure this would not happen.  I allocated 'entertainment portfolios' to my friends.  Let me explain.


I was warned that chemo could take me to the depths of despair, and that being in hospital following surgery would literally suck the life out of me.  So all in all I was preparing for a soul destroying experience.  Not really something I was looking forward to. I formed an action plan, and slowly began implementing it.  One by one I assigned entertainment portfolios to my friends, and gave them the low down on what's expected of them.  The conversation/s went something like this..."If you want to come and visit me in hospital or at home after surgery then you need to entertain me.  I don't want you sitting at my bedsite looking at me all pitiful and sad.  That is unacceptable. You need to make me think of something other than how sucky this all is. So, if you're going to come and visit me then you need to entertain me.  You are now Minister in charge of............."  So far I have friends who have accepted the portfolios of teaching me to play backgammon (Craig), playing cards (Greig), jigsaws (Bridget Roper), crosswords (Matt), trashy mags (Rosemary), and manicures (Tina).  


I'm unsure whether I'm confessing to being worried about becoming hollow, or about selflessly using to my friends to keep me real.  I'll let you decide, but irrespective, I'm mildly comforted by the fact that even if I do become a shell of my former self I will still serve a very important purpose..........if you hold me up to your ear you might just be able to hear the ocean.     

Hair Today........Gone Tomorrow

A witty post about my new bald head is lurking somewhere in my mind - but as I sit here nibbling on my cupcake I'm struggling to find it in the dark recesses of my intellect.  Wit is the enemy of those who have none - and wit has always been a close friend of mine.  I would rather take insomnia than the loss of wit.  I will even take the loss of my hair, which I have to admit I'm coping fairly well with.  Wit is one of my coping mechanisms - so it's been called on a fair bit lately.  Maybe it's taking a holiday - with my hair, as they've both abandoned me on this quiet Thursday evening.  The hair loss was expected - and has been dealt with accordingly thanks to my new wig.  Today was the unveiling of said wig, and I have to confess it was easier than expected.  The temporary absence of my wit, however, was not.  Writers block?  Maybe.  What if I accidentally sucked my wit out of my brain when I shaved my hair off?  Yes - you read correctly.  I shaved my hair off.  Last night actually.  I was sick of it coming out in fist fulls, so I took control and shaved it off.  No-one told me that your wit was attached to your hair follicles.  I know lots of bald people who are witty, and an equal amount of people with enormous amounts of hair and zilch wit.  Right then, maybe wit didn't disappear with my hair.  Maybe it's the cupcake I'm eating.  Too much sugar = no wit.  Hardly likely.  It's a good cupcake though.  I'd sacrifice it for my wit though.  Maybe it's simply a case of gone today, here tomorrow.........

Lee x

A day of Awesomeness

Greetings from Team Henderson.  So much has happened today that I thought it only fair to update you on it all - and inevitably leave you feeling envious for the awesomeness that is 'my life'!

I'll start at the beginning.....which was at 3.30am.  The insomnia hasn't been as bad these past 2 nights, but 3.30am is still a little too early for my liking.  Anyway, I digress - back to my awesome day. For ease of reading I think I'll bullet point them for you (you may thank me later);

• A cup of tea for breakfast.  No, this is not a typo.  A highlight of my day was having, and more importantly ENJOYING a cup of tea.  The chemo left a strong metallic taste in my mouth, meaning my taste buds have been beaten up a little, and a casualty of this has been water and any drink made with water.  Which is tea.  Green and normal.  And I love tea.  Green and normal.  So it has been heart breaking over the past week and a half to not be able to stomach the taste of tea.  Until this morning!  And it tasted gooooooooooood. Happy days people.
• I now have a wig.  I was a little (okay - a lot!) apprehensive about this, but the wig lady (herein referred to as Leigh) was wonderful, and fitted me with a wig that doesn't look half bad.  It will take some getting used to as it is a full thick head of hair, and I've got fine hair and not much of it.  It also has a fringe (apparently all good wigs do) and I've never had a fringe.  It's going to feel weird for a while, but hey - it's only hair!
• Pea and Ham Soup courtesy of Mother Doyle.  This stuff is worthy of medals.  Philippa (affectionately referred to as 'Mother Doyle) is a dear friend of mine from work, and came and visited me this afternoon.  We had tea (yay!) and afghans, and gossiped for several hours which was fabulous.  Her company was wonderful - the soup was a bonus!
• I left the house.  Yes, for the first time in over a week I actually left the house and went out where there were other human beings!  I have been suffering from cabin fever these past few days, so I decided that Elliott was taking Em and I to the mall for dinner.  This leads to probably what some will deem the most excellent part of my day.....
• A Lamb Curry for dinner.  Meat.  And it was good.  I have been on the receiving end of some criticism since El's post about my newly established vegetarian tendencies.  One of my esteemed colleagues in Auckland (hi John!) felt so strongly about it that he emailed me and advised me to "desist immediately".  My best friend in the UK emailed me to remind me that if God didn't want us to eat meat he wouldn't have invented bbq's.  It's logic I simply can't argue with.  So I had a lamb curry, and it was good.
• No naps.  Today has been the first day that I've gone the entire day without having to retreat to bed for an hour or two to recharge my batteries.  Hopefully this means I will have a deep and long sleep tonight........but I'll let you know tomorrow.

So today has been full of action and adventure.  I am awesome.  You are allowed to be envious.

xxx

Insomnia [in-som-nee-uh]

Defined as '–noun inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness.' Yes, welcome to the land of sleeplessness.  It should be redefined as 'being bored out of your mind between the hours of midnight and 5.00am.'  That's assuming I'll be tired at 5.00am.  Chances are not looking good at this stage given it's only 9 minutes away.  So I tried all the relaxation techniques I've ever been taught, including the one where you lie perfectly still and let your body relax starting at your toes and working your way up your body, so that relaxation and peacefulness slowly envelope you like a blanket.  What a crock.  Money back refund on that one please.  All it made me do was need to go to the toilet.  Anyhoo - if insomnia is the worst thing that happens to me today then I'll take it.  Maybe I should look for that list that Elliott started writing......


On a broader note things are doing well.  My meds are down to 3 steroids in the morning, which inevitably means I'm hungry for the rest of the day and can't stop eating.  Thankfully my 3 besties have hooked me up with the best food so I'm sorted.  Saturday night was Cannelloni a la Bridget Roper - a divine vegetarian dish that I would eat over any meat dish any day (sorry husband!). That and the incredible vegie soup are slowly turning me to the dark side of the vege.  Sunday was Fish Pie a la Nicky Milne - and while there should have been a large portion of left overs there wasn't (I had to refrain El from licking the pie dish).  Monday was Lasagne a la Jade Pedersen - the woman is a domestic goddess, and knows that her lasagne is the cause of marital disharmony in my home due to why my lasagne doesn't taste anywhere near as good!  Jade was also the bearer of Chocolate Afghans which are taunting me as I type.  Words rarely fail me, but the love and support shown by our friends, family and colleagues has made the start of this journey so much easier to deal with.  So, our house is clean thanks to my amazing Mum and her working vacuum cleaner and dusting cloth, and our bellies are full thanks to my god-sent friends - which only leaves us to get on with kicking this cancer in the nads.  And so far we seem to be doing pretty well - even at 5:06am.................


Lee xxxx

Bad luck comes in 3's

Well, we've had to put up with a lot over the past 9 months but the latest finding is almost enough to break the camels back. Lee has now started exhibiting vegetarian tendencies and quite frankly, I'm just not ready to lose my wife to the way of the vegetable......sorry Jill, Bridget and any other vegetarians out there - I still love you.

In other news, Lee has only napped for less than an hour today so looks like the tiredness is on the way out, just in time for low  / nil immune system.

Day 4

Well, the tiredness is still there but each day is getting a little better. A phone call from the community nurse has tweaked the meds a little and has helped with the tiredness. And the nurse is delighted with how Lee's doing. Expected her to be more sick than she is given the strength of the chemo.

Next round of chemo is 2nd March.

The day after

Not much to report today. Other than some sickness this morning before she had a chance to take the anti nausea medication, it's been an uneventful day and Lee has spent most of the day resting and sleeping. The anticipated energy rush from the steroids has been strangely absent so I'll need to take care of the list myself - bugger!

The district nurse did pop in to check on her and was happy with how Lee was feeling. Told Lee the chemo drugs administered yesterday should have cleared her system by end of tomorrow.

Treatment day 1

Well, it was a long day today but I'm happy to report that Lee is now home and other than feeling a little tired from sitting in a chair for 10 hours, is doing remarkably well.

The good news is that one of the many different pills she'll have to take over the next few days has a side effect giving her huge amounts of energy (and possibly insomnia along with it). So, I'm making a list to keep her occupied.

Next round of chemo will be three weeks today assuming her blood levels have returned to normal.

Over and out.

The First Step.........

Hi team


Tappity tap tap.  That's the sound of my fingers on the keyboard of my laptop as I struggle to think of how to start this post.  It's one of the few habits that I have that Elliott doesn't like - tapping my fingernails.  I do it when I'm nervous/anxious, or thoughtful.  In this instance I am all of these things.


Tappity tap tap.  Not known for often being stuck for words, I find myself in the unfamiliar position of being at a loss for what to say.  Maybe I'll get straight to the point.


Tappity tap tap.  I start chemo on Tuesday.  There - I said it.  Chemo.  Yuk.  Cancer.  Double yuk.  


Tappity tap tap.  Our lovely oncologist (here on referred to 'Anne') called us last night (Monday night) and gave us the low down.  The cardio surgeons have confirmed that they can operate, which is good news.  They have also advised that this is a one-time only opportunity, so they need to do it once and do it well.  Before they dig in, they'd like to try and reduce the size of it to have a better chance of getting it all.  'It all' being the thymus.  Liver removal, if the chest surgery is entirely successful, will follow 6-8 weeks later.  So chemo is the first step in the hope that it will reduce the size of the tumours, therefore making removal easier.  


Tappity tap tap.   Chemo on Tuesday.  6 weeks of it - but only 2 cycles in that 6 weeks.  If you liked my hair, tell me and I'll take a photo to send to you, because in 3 weeks it will become a casualty of the chemo.  Yuk.  I will be bald.  Cool.  Not.  The NZ Government generously pays for me to have a wig.  Again, if you're interested I'll send you a photo.  This may only appeal to people with a hair fetish.  So once the 6 weeks of chemo is done they will rescan my chest to see if the tumour has shrunk in size, and assess the situation from there.  The tricky part is that they're not too sure exactly what kind of cancer it is, so they're making an educated guess with the type of chemo - and will be crossing their fingers and toes that it's the right kind - therefore effective.  Here's hoping!


Tappity tap tap.  My habit is now starting to annoy me.  I don't think that's a good thing.  I will be in hospital next Tuesday and Wednesday - so if you're in the neighbourhood then toot as you drive past.  


I have nothing further to add.  Except the tapping of my fingernails - which is eventually going to earn me so harsh looks from husband.  I love him, so will stop tapping.  For now.


Lee xxxx

Wednesday update

Hello readers, good to see you. Lee's mri results last week haven't shown enough detail to gauge whether the thymus can be safely removed. So, we're back to the hospital tomorrow for another mri. We'll hopefully have definitive results early next week which will tell us whether we're going down the surgical route or the fully chemo route.

The 'C' Word

The stigma attached to it is enormous, and it would seem that referring to it as 'the c word' means it's not actually real. Well - it is, and it's cancer. This is the start of our journey. One which we intend to see through to the other side, and it is also our intention to do it with style and humour. So consider these updates our postcards to you as we travel on this journey. Just don't expect fridge magnets or any other souvenirs! Let's do this.